In times of crisis, when the big questions need answering, where can you go, who will you turn to? Humans ? I don’t think so. if you actually stop and think about it, your problem started with a human, yourself or another. So why then would you ask another human for help.

The answer is ducks and pigeons. The wisdom of these little fellas is immense. They are in fact (and this is a proven scientific fact) black holes of wisdom. A star of knowledge which burned so bright it imploded into a black hole of infinite wisdom. which explains that look on their cheeky little faces.

Where are these miracles of nature i hear  you ask ?

There all around us of course. They live on the rooftops, wander the centers of our towns and cities. But if you want the real magic, then ponds are where its at. These still waters of liquid goodness can be found in most regions on earth and where there’s ponds there’s ducks and there none floating friend the pigeon.

Now you might be reading this in a rather dessert’y area. Free from water and free from ducks and pigeons. This is your first lesson. Don’t live where there’s no fucking water. Humans need water, live near water. Humans catch fire, don’t live in an oven.

So now you know where to find them, but how should you approach something so powerful?

Well its best not to just rush in. approach with respect. Take your time. Also bring an offering. bread is good, rice is bad. Break it up and pass it out. If there are signs with, ‘do not feed the birds’ its  best to ignore these. They help no one apart from small children who sniff pigeon droppings and they deserve everything they get for been stupid. Imagine what would happen to your nostrils if you sniffed the discharge of a conventional  black hole, the kids are getting of light.

Remember to show respect toward ducks and pigeons. Those who have shown disrespect will live there next live as a human and with the exception of Hugh Heffner, who would like to go through this crap again.

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